Not Being Funny, but RH Writers SUCK!
by Lady Marianne
Summary: Two teenagers with a bit of an obsession for RH watch episode 12. This is their reaction. True story --well, kinda. Rated for language, though it's not SO bad.


**I need to rant, but since I can't post a rant here, I decided to write a story. This is pretty much what happened when me and my brother watched the last episode. Some things were changed, but the idea is pretty much the same. Please, let me know what you think of that episode. I want to hear your reactions too.**

* * *

"And?? Has it started yet??" she asked for the tenth time in the last five minutes.

"No, it hasn't. It won't start for the next five minutes. Jeez, relax!!"

"I can't relax!! It's Robin _freaking_ Hood!! How can you be so calm minutes before the next to last episode??? This is the moment we've been waiting for since March!! This episode will decide whether we bother watching series 4 or not!!"

"I know it is. I can't wait to watch it. But, unlike you, I don't go around the house talking about it. I prefer to be quiet about it."

"Whatever." She muttered.

They were quiet for a few more minutes, watching as some stupid show was announced.

"I'm going to the bathroom. If it starts, let me know. Okay?"

"Okay, okay."

She got up and went to the bathroom, hoping that her brother would keep his promise and let her know if the show started. She was washing her hands when he called her name.

"It's starting, it's starting!!" he said.

She _ran_ out of the bathroom and threw herself on the couch next to him. But when she looked up, she didn't see anything vaguely resembling Robin Hood.

"What's that?" she asked unnecessarily. She already knew it was a commercial for diapers.

"Got ya!" he smirked.

She was about to smash him on the head, but she heard the all too familiar sound of the arrow coming from the TV and held back. After all, _he _had the control, and the last thing she wanted was to upset him when he could change the channel and make her miss the show.

"I'm so nervous…" she said.

"Shhh!"

"Did I tell you that someone's going to die? Hope they kill Kate. Or Isabella. Or BOTH!!"

"Do you _want _to watch the episode?" he asked. "I can turn the TV off and we can spend the next hour _talking _about it."

"No, no. I'll be quite now."

"Good."

But as the opening credits rolled, it was him who couldn't keep his mouth closed.

"Keith Allen?? The Sheriff's back??? It was about time!!"

"Thought we were supposed to watch it quietly." She reminded him with a smile.

They managed to watch the episode in silence. Time and time again she'd yell something like "Die, Kate, die" to the TV, but he didn't even bother shushing her. He secretly felt the same way and was relieved that his sister was saying out loud what was going through his head at the very same moment.

"_I want you to need me."_ Kate said.

"Ug!!! Is it so hard to understand that Robin is MARRIED??" She said angrily.

"Patience. Someone's dying tonight." He reminded her.

"Not soon enough." She muttered.

As the minutes went by, she got more and more angry at Kate. And Isabella too. She kept glancing at the clock, trying to estimate how long it'd take them to kill the damn character already. She honestly believed it was going to be either one of the females –or both, if she was extremely lucky–, or, in the worst-case scenario, Tuck. Since she didn't care much for any of them, she wasn't worried.

When the outlaws thought that Allan had betrayed them again, she smiled.

"I bet he'll break free and save them all and he'll be the hero." She told her brother.

"Definitely!" he replied. "He deserves to be the hero for a change. Is it just me or they haven't given much scenes to Allan lately?"

"This will be like his come back. I can't wait. I bet he'll say something like 'I'm not being funny but…' It'll be so funny!!"

The episode continued. Against all odds, she was relatively happy. Kate seemed to have abandoned the outlaws and Robin, in spite of being in grave danger right now, was going to be saved by Allan. All was good.

"You don't think they're going to kill Much, do you?" he asked her worriedly. Much was his favorite character and he wouldn't bear to watch him die.

"Relax." She assured him. "Allan's on his way."

Suddenly her cell phone rang.

"Damn it!" she said. "A text message."

She looked down to read what it was about. Little did she know that a few inches from her, on the screen on her TV, the worst crime in the history of TV was being committed.

"Look, I'm going to be a god-mother!" she told her brother, shoving the cell phone under his nose for him to read the message, Robin Hood momentarily forgotten.

"ALLAN!!" He cried, ignoring her and looking straight at the TV.

"What?"

"THEY'VE KILLED ALLAN!!" He repeated.

"WHAT???"

She looked up just in time to see one of her favorite characters utter his last words.

"You…"

"What… What just happened?? They didn't… What… Allan… It…"

"They've killed Allan, they've killed Allan." He repeated over and over again.

"They can't have killed Allan." She reasoned, slightly more calmed. "They can't. I bet he's alive. The wounds are not deep. He can survive. He'll be fine."

"They've killed Allan, they've killed Allan."

"He has to save Robin!! Who's going to save Robin????"

The answer to her question appeared on the screen just then. KATE.

Kate and Archer opened the gates and released the three men trapped there.

"They've killed Allan, they've killed… Wait. Why is Much not moving?"

Normally, she would be asking the same thing, but she was too focused on Kate right now, waiting for a piece of ceiling to fall on her head or _something_ to happen that would kill her. It was no longer about Robin –right now, the best thing that could happen to her was for him to die and be reunited with Marian. She needed Kate to die.

"_I thought I'd lost you."_ Kate said.

"Ugh!! Do you have something I can throw at the TV?"

"_I thought I'd lost YOU."_ Robin replied.

"Oh no. No, he didn't. No, no, no. What is _wrong_ with you, Robin?" she yelled at the TV. "You can't mean that!! Kate HAS TO DIE!!"

"Much? Much are you still there?" he whispered in a small voice.

Much moved and he breathed a sign of relief.

"Thanks _god_."

They watched the rest of the episode in silence, but it wasn't a comfortable silence. The recent events were fresh in their memories and both of them were still thinking about it. The only reason why they hadn't turned to the TV off yet was because they still believed –thought they'd never say it out loud– that Allan still had a chance.

_Robin will go and find him,_ she thought. _He'll save him. Or maybe Djaq comes back and she saves him!_ Ok, so it was a long shot. Djaq and Will coming back? It was next to impossible and she didn't really believe something like that would happen, but as Edward had said on series two –before it started sucking–, "It's good to dream". So yes, she'd dread that Allan was not dead and that Djaq and Will would come back and that they'd bring a very much alive Marian with them –if she dreamt, she might as well do it thoughtfully.

But all her hopes and dreams came crushing down when the scene changed and the TV showed a bulk on the bridge of the castle.

"Oh no." they said at the same time.

"No… Not Allan. Everyone but Allan…" she prayed, rocking back and forth in her seat. But as Much and Tuck unrolled the body of Allan A Dale, it was painfully obvious that he was dead.

The rest of the episode rolled by in a blur. They couldn't wrap their minds around what had just happened. Allan? Dead? Impossible. How were they planning on doing a series four without his funny remarks?

The episode ended and he turned off the TV.

"Well… That was… Interesting." He commented.

"Is that a code word for 'pathetic'?" she asked.

"Yeah." He agreed.

Silence.

"Well, that's it." She finally said. "I'm done."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm done with Robin Hood. I won't bother watching the last episode either. What could they possibly do to make up for this? NOTHING."

"I'm sure that they've thought of something…" he tried to reason, not really believing the words himself.

"I used to think that too. I used to think that they couldn't sink any lower, but they _have._ Mark my words, the next episode will _suck_."

She stood up and strolled out of the room. "I'm going out. My friends are waiting for me." She announced as she left.

"I'm still going to watch the last episode." He told her. "It's the _last_ episode."

"Suit yourself."

"Won't you change your mind?"

"Unless the last episode is a video from the BBC executives saying: _'Ha ha, we've got ya! Happy April's Fool in June. Series 3 never existed; it was a joke we made for you. Oh, and Marian didn't die either. Next week, the real series 3, with no Kate, no Isabella and no Tuck'._ When I see something like that, then and only then may I watch Robin again. Not before."

And saying that, she left. Her brother may be naïve enough to think that the next episode would be good, but she knew better: series 4 would suck as much as series 3 had sucked.


End file.
